Change of Pace

It's been one week since I got back to California, which on most days I can't really believe. I'm torn between feelings of "How's that possible, I just got back a couple days ago," and "Really, that's all? It feels like way more." It's funny how seamless reintegrating into your family's life can be after time away. You expect it to feel strange, and while it does on many levels, it also always seems to maintain some sort of normalcy. Especially when you fly home and nose-dive right into the mix!

I came back to Cali and basically got sling-shotted into life here, which honestly, is probably a good thing. I've been so occupied with my grandma and helping her adjust to her new living situation, I haven't had much time to contemplate mine. And I've been so concentrating on her move, it hasn't given me the chance to realize I've just undergone a pretty major move myself. Yeah, it's a really good thing. Really, really, really good thing... keeps the sadness at bay... keeps my own adjustment from hitting me... keeps my mind from wandering to "what's next"... keeps......... (cue Pretty Lights remix of "Fly Like an Eagle" please!)

So for over 30 years my grandma lived in the same house. It's been her home for longer than I've been alive, and she's lived alone in it as a widow for almost that long. But last Saturday she moved into an apartment in a facility for elderly folk. Not by choice, or so she claims. It's been incredibly hard for her to transition into apartment living, and I doubt she's gone down to the dining hall once on her own. Luckily, my job while I'm home is to be with her and "take care of her", so we don't have to worry about her starving off just yet. However, this means I've been spending the majority of my time this past week with people in the 80-years+ crowd, and it's been interesting. Actually, to say it's been interesting is quite a mild way to say it...

On our first day in the dining hall we sat at a large, round table for six by the big windows. We joined a few other ladies, including a woman who is 98, as well as a woman who is 108! The most amazing thing not even being that she's 108, but that she was dressed in her Sunday best, waiting to be picked up and taken to church, where she still attends every Sunday! Apparently, she was living on her own in her house until a month ago, and still uses lightweight dunbells to exercise her arms! Of course because of how poor almost all their hearing is, the conversation was mostly unanswered questions, attempts at yelling across the table, and happy nods in response to whatever they didn't hear from the other side, but it was still nice in its own ways. Not many of the people I've communicated with in the last days can hear very well, and my own ears seems to hurt from the strain I'm putting on my vocal chords and such, but I've been pretty surprised by the memories of some of the gals we've met. (Ps. I will no longer refer to them as gals. It feels too weird when I've got their kind, wrinkly faces flashing through my mind...)

I've met a variety of really interesting people, coming from all different places and backgrounds. There are a couple of people who have taught English as a second language in other countries or here at home; one of whom said she was teaching English in Russia a year or two ago, which made me wonder: how do you go from teaching English in Russia to living in an elderly person's place, all in a couple years time? Perhaps there was some confusion on one of our parts (hers...). We've also met a woman who moved in from Arizona, where she lived alone on a 14 acre piece of land and takes all her meals to go so she can continue with her life of minimal interaction, and others who realize they have nothing to do but chat, and will maintain a conversation with you so long as their "computer" stays on. (One of the women refers to her brain as her computer, and likes to explain is as it being "turned off right now.") There are many who have war stories to share, and some who don't seem to communicate at all. The stories I've heard assure me this is going to be an incredibly educational experience!

Last week I learned that my grandfather served in the armed forces for twenty-something years, but since he immigrated to the United States when he was four, he wasn't a citizen. So, after he'd served, he went and applied to be a citizen. They began going through the process with him, then realized he'd been serving the country for twenty-something years, and granted him citizenship without making him go through it all. (Would this still happen? Could it even still happen?) And just a couple days ago, I learned that my grandma and grandpa got married because she got pregnant! This was such a shock to me, because in all the stories she's told me over the years a couple things were always clear: she was a flirt and a tease, but has only ever had "one Peter in her entire life." She had me on the edge of my seat at lunch with her stories. I'm going to try to get more of this kind of stuff out of her over the weeks and months.

It's been a welcome change, to go from the hustle and bustle of the life I've known and lived for so long, to the pace of those who are retired and essentially, waiting to die. There is no hurry, for what are we hurrying for? Where do we have to go that is so important, it requires us to rush? What else do we have to do? Nothing. Ok, so let's keep sitting here even though our food has long since been finished, and enjoy the sounds of the fountain as we drink more coffee and talk. I notice that living in this way most of my day carries over into the time I spend outside the community. When I'm driving, I'm not just trying to get as quickly as possible from the destination of my past to that of my future. No, I'm looking around at the trees and the clouds, giving thanks for the amazing sunsets that light up the sky, smiling at those I see playing in the parks, and going well under the speed limit as I cruise along enjoying the moments. It's such a relief to live this way, and I am so excited to submerge myself in it even more. Thank You, God, so much for this beautiful opportunity to slow down and as we say, "Stop and smell the roses."

But of course, it hasn't all been easy. Not by any means. My grandmother is really quite miserable in her new place, and incredibly and vocally bitter about the whole thing. Her dementia has gotten worse, so every day we run around the same topics and conversations infinite times. Heck, in the couple hours we were sitting for lunch, we went over the same thing about ten times in a matter of 20 minutes. It's as if each moment is an entirely new life, which is quite cool and provides a splendid chance to decide in each moment the person I Am, but can also be quite trying.

The first couple days I was around I was really lacking patience as a result of really, really, seriously lacking sleep. The morning after I arrived back, I was taken to my grandmother's new place, and immediately set to work trying to put a smile on her face and keep the tension down. This task would have been much easier had I not then spent the next three nights sleeping on my inflatable camping mat on the floor of her living room. But these are memories we will have forever (or maybe just me, since she doesn't have much grasp on short-term memories anymore), and now I'm rested and feeling quite centered. I accept, embrace, give gratitude for and love this as a beautiful opportunity to practice patience and true acceptance. It's a real blessing actually. And it's nice to know I'm helping one of the people I love the most in this world.

I don't really know what's going to happen in the next months, and I'm a little anxious about the fact I don't have any flights booked for the future, but I am taking this arrangement with a smile and positive attitude. Especially when there are some negative ones around me, I cannot succumb to it and join the ranks of those who will not engage in embracing and living in the light. No way, no how. This is a great, great chance for me to practice consciousness and make, in every moment, choices I am proud of.

It's exciting to feel this way -- on the cusp of attaining new information from above, and stepping further into my role as a positive beacon and love beam in the world. There's something really wonderful that fills me these days, and I am so happy to embrace it and let it guide my words, thoughts, and actions. Thank You, Holy Spirit, for filling me. <3

I hope you are having a wonderful Earth Experience, and taking everything in stride. Remember to bring acceptance to all situations, and that happiness comes from within. There is nothing on this Earth that can make you happier than what God can plant, grow and nurture inside of you. Have a great weekend, family, I love you so much!

Blessings, Love, Light & Wonder to all amazing Earthlings and Aliens out there!

I adore your existence :)

-Allie-Sun <3