The Problem with Vacations

I have to say, to go on a two-week vacation is a pretty weird thing for me. I am a traveler, so going away for a bit with returning shortly after in mind, brought on quite a different set of sensations. I understand why people do it, and that for many, it’s the only way to make travel happen. I totally support this, and say, "Do what you have to do, just get out there and travel!" I also know I will be participating in this kind of work/life/travel flow much more over time, as I’m going to be starting a business soon that will inevitably change my gypsy ways. But I’ve got to say:

The Two Week Vacation Thing is not really my favorite cup of tea.

While in Managua (Nicaragua), I was so relaxed sitting in the study room of someone I’d met just moments before, in the house I would stay for the next three days. It was the house of a stranger, or as I like to think, a friend I’d not yet met, and really, I couldn’t have felt more at home. I sat there with Banksy the cat, my Couch Surfing host working away on his computer, and me just looking through his books, reading mine, and gazing out the open door at the open-air kitchen. Everything inside of me was calm, and I felt the kind of peace and joy that only comes when I’m relaxing in an unfamiliar place. It reminded me that I'm incredible comfortable on the road; that new places and new people are oddly familiar feeling to me, and that life lived in a variety of places is something I love.

Then over the next week in Costa Rica, as we lived and breathed by the sun, never paying attention to time, I was able to relax even further into a deep state of pure bliss and natural living. Just recalling how it felt to be in the jungle or bouncing around in the ocean causes an incredible peace and comfort to wash over me. I feel my organs relax anew, and a smile spreads across my face, full of tranquility. I spent a week waking when I woke, going to bed when I was tired, and eating of the earth that surrounded me. I can’t tell you how good it felt to be there, to be that way. Spending my mornings in quiet meditation and prayer, journaling and being stimulated by deep conversation and connection throughout the day, and gazing all the time out into the wild jungle. But as all two-week-ers do, this one had to come to an end.

I went from two weeks outside the nursing home and away from daily stress, sleepless nights, to being right back in the life, with no sights of the Costa Rican coast to be seen anywhere closeby.

Suddenly I was in Phoenix, waiting in a long queue to go through security, stress levels high, everyone checking the time, worried about getting through before their scheduled take-off. Linear time was in full affect. And then, BOOM! I was in San Francisco. Walking through the airport, catching BART to Richmond, catching Amtrak to Stockton, getting picked up, and BOOM! Back at home. Plenty of time to adjust and transition while in transit (something I now know I need to take advantage of to prepare myself for “normal life”), but still it seemed there was some sort of middle ground I'd missed spending time on. Some kind of state of being I should have been able to accomplish that was half-holiday, half-focused on my responsibilities. Not the case. Is it ever? The very next day I was back at the nursing home. Thankfully my dad came with me and we only stayed a few hours, but the day after that… 9+ hours here sitting.

I’m grateful to have had this experience, as now I can relate to an entirely new population of people: those that work “normal” jobs, and take their two-week vacations. Because even though I had a “normal,” steady job the 2 ½ years I lived in Spain, I was living in a different country. This adds a whole slew of differences I'm not going to get into here and now.

Experiencing this, this two week holiday and then coming right back into “normal life,” has made me realize that it’s very much like being a Weekend Warrior, but on a different, more extreme level.

Now, a Weekend Warrior is someone who takes advantage of their weekends to go on trips, do things, have all the fun, and take advantage of life on earth outside of work (or school). They’re the people that fit in whatever they can on the weekends to balance out the school/work week. And often times, we are people who spend all week working or studying, fantasizing about the weekend adventures to come. So when I say that these two week holidays are like that to an extreme, I mean it because:

1. You put so much energy into the planning of these trips, get so excited for them, fantasize about them, idealize them, and think about them so much, for so long, you can hardly wait for anything else.

2. Then you go, you LOVE it, your holiday self comes out in full force (which I’ve found is usually a far more joyful version of ourselves), you are life and life is you, all that good and-sometimes-crazy stuff. You are living more in the moment than you usually do, linear time totally loses its meaning and relevance (thank God), and all is right in the world.

But then, before you know it, it’s over.

3. It’s over, and you’re back at work, a totally changed person (because let’s face it, travel does that to you), no one can relate to you, you can’t relate to anyone (other than those who shared it with you), and you try to ride along on the fumes of the fun you had as long as you can, until the next one comes along. Often praying all the while for a 3-day weekend to come up somewhere. (There’s gotta be one on the calendar you forgot, right!?)

You see how tragic and dangerous this can be?

I condone this if it is how it has to be (going away for a couple weeks at a time to get away), but I firmly believe many of us accept these societally/culturally normal lives that tend to supress and stress us, and forget to make happiness an all-the-time-thing. We realize how hard it is to be happy in every moment, because let's face it, sometimes it feels oddly good to wallow, and allow it to be something we mostly just enjoy outside our responsibilities. (Do you think it's also got something to do with conditioning? Like how it's not really normal to be happy all the time, it's more accepted to complain about things, so we go along with that instead of deciding to shine bright in spite of it all? Something for another post...I know...)

I guess I shouldn’t really say the two week holiday isn’t for me. Because honestly, I don’t care if it’s two years, two weeks or two days, any time away in a new place is golden, and I’ll take whatever I can get. I guess what I’m not for is storing up all my joy in these trips, weekends away and extended adventures, and allowing myself to just wait till later to be happy and blissed out. Nor am I for these extremes of being totally vacated, and then suddenly right back into whatever you needed to be vacated from.

If taking two week-ers is what I have to do to get away, then I'll do it. But I'm going to make sure I build a life for myself I don't feel I need to get away from, too.